1. On Sears hairdryer: "Do not use while sleeping." (Gee, that's the only time I have to work on my hair)

2. On a bag of Fritos: "You could be a winner! No purchase necessary. Details inside." (Evidently, the

shoplifter special)

3. On a bar of Dial soap: "Directions: Use like regular soap." (And that would be how?)

4. On some Swanson frozen dinners: "Serving suggestions: Defrost." (But it's *just* a suggestion)

5. On Tesco's Tiramisu dessert (printed on bottom of box): "Do not turn upside down." (Oops, too late!)

6. On Marks & Spencer Bread Pudding: "Product will be hot after heating."(As night follows the day.)

7. On packaging for a Rowenta iron: "Do not iron clothes on body."(But wouldn't this save even more time?)

8. On Boot's Children's Cough Medicine: "Do not drive a car or operate machinery after taking this medication." (We could do a lot to reduce the rate of construction accidents if we could just get those 5-year-olds with head-colds off Those forklifts.)

9. On Nytol Sleep Aid: "Warning: May cause drowsiness." (One would hope)

10. On most brands of Christmas lights: "For indoor or outdoor use only." (As opposed to what?)

11. On a Japanese food processor: "Not to be used for the other use." (I gotta admit, I'm curious.)

12. On Sainsbury's peanuts: "Warning: Contains nuts." (NEWS FLASH)

13. On an American Airlines packet of nuts: "Instructions: Open packet, eat nuts."(Step 3: Fly Delta.)

14. On a child's Superman costume:"Wearing of this garment does not enable you to fly." (I don't blame

the company, I blame parents for this one.)

15. On a Swedish chain saw: "Do not attempt to stop chain with your hands or genitals." Was there a

chance of this happening somewhere?...Good grief)

16. On a bottle of Palmolive Dishwashing liquid: "Do not use on food." (Hey Mom we're out of syrup! It's OK, honey, just grab the Palmolive!)

17. On a tube of Crest Toothpaste: "If swallowed contact poison control."(Oh please have you ever heard

about someone dying from swallowing a little toothpaste?)

18. On a bottle of ALL laundry detergent: "Remove clothing before distributing in washing machine."

(Hey no more swimming in the washing machine kids.... Aww you mean we have to use the swimming pool?)